All I know...is that I fucking HATE jump scares! I'm telling you right now. They are the bane of my fucking existence... It's been said before, but they are cheap, easy ways to get people to THINK they are enjoying a movie, game, or attraction, but in reality they are just going through the ever-so-sheeplike motions. I could actually deal with that...if they didn't actually scare the shit out of me!!
Let me quickly back up here and start with movies (even though that's not what this article is all about). You see, I LOVE a good horror movie. There are so many great films that psychologically fuck your head up in a such a good way. For instance, Takashi Miike's Audition is probably one of the best horror movies put on film to date.
What makes Audition so scary is the fact that it doesn't treat itself as a "horror film." In fact, the first half seems more like a romantic comedy than anything else. It moves along at a pace fit for slice of life until things start going awry. The editing gets more erratic, the music slowly gains an air of intensity, the camera seems to move more frequently, the shots are a bit tighter, the characters gain more than the average two dimensions you normally get from a horror film...the most important thing is that it keeps its integrity and never degrades to cheap parlor tricks. It's all about timing, and Miike did an absolutely phenomenal job without a single jump scare.
That was 1999...and it was Japanese cinema .....in 2015, in Hollywood, horror movies, are nothing but jump scare after jump scare. The stories, plotlines, twists and turns are secondary to forcing the audience to pay attention with the act of silence, rising music, louder rising music, a sudden silence, turn around and then SCREAM AND JUMP OUT AT YOU!! RAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! All accompanied by either a sudden brass horn or violin screech.
FUCK! Why?!?! There are movies out there now that are jump scare after jump scare for the entire fucking movie!!! Just absolute garbage!! Don't you remember when films used to scare you with mood, atmosphere and music alone? NOT ANYMORE FUCKERS! Now you get to watch horrible things jump out at you and yell boo...
Now, the odd thing is, I don't get scared by jump scares in most films. I don't feel threatened or on the edge of my seat. I'm just laughing internally the second the music starts rising. But when it comes to video games...this is NOT fun! And the worst thing is, almost every game HAS them nowadays!!! If you're in First Person mode, you're getting a plethora of jump scares without question. Even if it's NOT a fucking horror game!!
First things first..Why does this affect me in games, but not with films? I think because I studied film, even when I'm getting totally immersed in something, the slight sense of bad editing or camerawork takes me out immediately. So the whole "here's a formula that everyone is expecting" gets me thinking about what these jackasses writers were doing in their rooms besides actually writing!!!!! In a video game, there's no time to be taken out like that. Whether it's a Mouse & Keyboard or Joystick, YOU are controlling the character...no, you ARE that character. And when motherfuckers jump out of nowhere and start attacking you, my first response is HOLY FUCK!! Followed by DESTROY THESE SONS OF BITCHES, after I've already taken a whole bunch of shots that wouldn't have happened had I had been able to control myself when shit like this happens.
But shit like this has been going on forever! It just wasn't controlling the market. I mean games like Univited had some creepy theming and images, but I could deal with that...it was when Wolfenstein 3D and then eventually Doom came out, that a new era of gaming had begun. The good thing was that these First Person Shooters were few and far between. There were PLENTY of amazing NES, SNES, Sega Genesis, etc etc games out there that weren't trying to give you cheap scares. Yeah, Alien vs. Predator and Ultimate Doom were the two most popular games of 1993, BUT Gabriel Knight, Sam & Max Hit The Road, Bubsy, Day of the Tentacle, Aladdin, Mortal Kombat II and First Person games like Myst and 7th Guest all came out the same year and were incredibly popular. Again...THAT was 1993. Mimicking the movie industry, the gaming industry has now decided that jump scares are what make a game good. So you get games such as Arkham Asylum, Thief, Bioshock, even fucking Mario 64 with these strange jump scare moments that literally ruin the fucking game for me!!!
It's bad enough that this first person perspective always leads to enemies coming out of nowhere, but why has it become common practice to have them sneak up on you, so that when you turn around, their giant teeth or whatever weapon is pressed up against your face, leading you to shitting your pants or leaving puddles on the floor?? Unless you're throwing in a point-and-click adventure or simulation game, you're pretty much fucked nowadays!
Seriously, is it really so wrong to ask that things NOT jump out at me please? It's one thing if it's Resident Evil, Amnesia or Five Nights At Freddy's...you're EXPECTING it from them.. but I can't play a simple fucking BATMAN game without shaky hands and squinted eyes? What is with trying to put fear in your consumers, you fucking cunt video game developers?! Can I please just play a Batman game and have a good time? Please??
Then you have games like Bioshock, which has this amazing overall creepiness to it. It's this phenomenal sci-fi story with a great sense of atmosphere. The music is perfectly placed, the sound effects keep you on the edge of your seat, heart pounding... THIS, I technically don't have any problem with... The sense of being alone in the world, opening the doors to an abandoned city as the plot slowly unfolds... This is great storytelling with phenomenal execution.....HOWEVER, the whole thing is ruined by the fact, that it is FILLED with little jump scares all over the place and a few major ones!
Yeah, you'll be walking around trying to collect items and when you turn to go back the way you came, suddenly slicers that weren't there a moment ago come flying out of hiding to attack you! This is not a fucking horror game! Why does this have to be a goddamned fucking thing?!?! And don't get me started on that FUCKING DENTIST!!!!!!!!
But that's not all, even a game like Red Dead Redemption has to throw in a few fucked up scare moments. They added cougars into the game, which one would see no problem with, until they finally encounter one. You'll be moseying along on your horse, doing your thing, when without warning...and I mean WITHOUT warning, a mountain lion or cougar or whatever, which has
"presumably" been stalking you as you trekked through pounces at you out of nowhere with a high pitched feline scream that makes my controller fly out of my hands and crash into the fucking PS3. Then of course before I can retrieve the controller, the cougar takes its second hit, which we all know is his last, because you are dead...I stopped playing the game that day...and I was actually fucking enjoying it. I can't even imagine what the undead expansion pack is all about, nor do I care to. But this is a FUCKING WESTERN!!! It is NOT a fucking HORROR game!!! So why the FUCKING JUMP SCARES??!?!?!?!?!?!?! WHY?!?!?!?
It's the same with physical attractions. In my very first Mouse Rants video, I go into detail about how tons of Animal Kingdom attractions were created with the intent on frightening their guests. But the mother of all these is the infamous Dinosaur (originally Countdown to Extinction) where you have an amazingly quotable pre-show, a well themed queue, about 35 seconds of really cool dinosaur scenes and then 2 minutes of SHEER FUCKING TERROR
as a carnotaurus literally chases you as meteors are about to blink dinosaurs and yourself along with them out of existence! Because THAT'S what I want in my Disney attraction. An opportunity to shit my fucking pants!
And don't get me started on the fucking Yeti in Expedition Everest (when it was still working of course).
I honestly give up. This is why I stick to playing classic PC and console games and keep my sunglasses on while riding certain attractions. I'm not fucking ashamed. Why else would I blog at it? Who gives a shit. I have no problem riding the most insane rollercoasters out there, which I have. Freefalls don't bother me. Horror movies can range from boring to amazing, but never unwatchable due to fear. Jump scares in games and attractions...THOSE are my kryptonite. There's no reason for them to be in simulators, RPGs, adventure games, westerns, puzzle games, sci-fi, platformers, regular First Person Shooters, Shmups, or ANYTHING else that's not a fucking horror game!!!!! How about thinking about the majority of your consumers, rather than just saying, "hmm, you know what would be funny? If we scare the shit out of the people buying this Barbie game." Don't be fucking stupid.
Let me quickly back up here and start with movies (even though that's not what this article is all about). You see, I LOVE a good horror movie. There are so many great films that psychologically fuck your head up in a such a good way. For instance, Takashi Miike's Audition is probably one of the best horror movies put on film to date.
What makes Audition so scary is the fact that it doesn't treat itself as a "horror film." In fact, the first half seems more like a romantic comedy than anything else. It moves along at a pace fit for slice of life until things start going awry. The editing gets more erratic, the music slowly gains an air of intensity, the camera seems to move more frequently, the shots are a bit tighter, the characters gain more than the average two dimensions you normally get from a horror film...the most important thing is that it keeps its integrity and never degrades to cheap parlor tricks. It's all about timing, and Miike did an absolutely phenomenal job without a single jump scare.
That was 1999...and it was Japanese cinema .....in 2015, in Hollywood, horror movies, are nothing but jump scare after jump scare. The stories, plotlines, twists and turns are secondary to forcing the audience to pay attention with the act of silence, rising music, louder rising music, a sudden silence, turn around and then SCREAM AND JUMP OUT AT YOU!! RAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! All accompanied by either a sudden brass horn or violin screech.
FUCK! Why?!?! There are movies out there now that are jump scare after jump scare for the entire fucking movie!!! Just absolute garbage!! Don't you remember when films used to scare you with mood, atmosphere and music alone? NOT ANYMORE FUCKERS! Now you get to watch horrible things jump out at you and yell boo...
Now, the odd thing is, I don't get scared by jump scares in most films. I don't feel threatened or on the edge of my seat. I'm just laughing internally the second the music starts rising. But when it comes to video games...this is NOT fun! And the worst thing is, almost every game HAS them nowadays!!! If you're in First Person mode, you're getting a plethora of jump scares without question. Even if it's NOT a fucking horror game!!
First things first..Why does this affect me in games, but not with films? I think because I studied film, even when I'm getting totally immersed in something, the slight sense of bad editing or camerawork takes me out immediately. So the whole "here's a formula that everyone is expecting" gets me thinking about what these jackasses writers were doing in their rooms besides actually writing!!!!! In a video game, there's no time to be taken out like that. Whether it's a Mouse & Keyboard or Joystick, YOU are controlling the character...no, you ARE that character. And when motherfuckers jump out of nowhere and start attacking you, my first response is HOLY FUCK!! Followed by DESTROY THESE SONS OF BITCHES, after I've already taken a whole bunch of shots that wouldn't have happened had I had been able to control myself when shit like this happens.
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| The Regenerator in Resident Evil 4 |
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| Piano suddenly wants to kill you in Mario 64 |
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| Killer Croc is an asshole |
Then you have games like Bioshock, which has this amazing overall creepiness to it. It's this phenomenal sci-fi story with a great sense of atmosphere. The music is perfectly placed, the sound effects keep you on the edge of your seat, heart pounding... THIS, I technically don't have any problem with... The sense of being alone in the world, opening the doors to an abandoned city as the plot slowly unfolds... This is great storytelling with phenomenal execution.....HOWEVER, the whole thing is ruined by the fact, that it is FILLED with little jump scares all over the place and a few major ones!
Yeah, you'll be walking around trying to collect items and when you turn to go back the way you came, suddenly slicers that weren't there a moment ago come flying out of hiding to attack you! This is not a fucking horror game! Why does this have to be a goddamned fucking thing?!?! And don't get me started on that FUCKING DENTIST!!!!!!!!
But that's not all, even a game like Red Dead Redemption has to throw in a few fucked up scare moments. They added cougars into the game, which one would see no problem with, until they finally encounter one. You'll be moseying along on your horse, doing your thing, when without warning...and I mean WITHOUT warning, a mountain lion or cougar or whatever, which has
"presumably" been stalking you as you trekked through pounces at you out of nowhere with a high pitched feline scream that makes my controller fly out of my hands and crash into the fucking PS3. Then of course before I can retrieve the controller, the cougar takes its second hit, which we all know is his last, because you are dead...I stopped playing the game that day...and I was actually fucking enjoying it. I can't even imagine what the undead expansion pack is all about, nor do I care to. But this is a FUCKING WESTERN!!! It is NOT a fucking HORROR game!!! So why the FUCKING JUMP SCARES??!?!?!?!?!?!?! WHY?!?!?!?
And don't get me started on the fucking Yeti in Expedition Everest (when it was still working of course).
I honestly give up. This is why I stick to playing classic PC and console games and keep my sunglasses on while riding certain attractions. I'm not fucking ashamed. Why else would I blog at it? Who gives a shit. I have no problem riding the most insane rollercoasters out there, which I have. Freefalls don't bother me. Horror movies can range from boring to amazing, but never unwatchable due to fear. Jump scares in games and attractions...THOSE are my kryptonite. There's no reason for them to be in simulators, RPGs, adventure games, westerns, puzzle games, sci-fi, platformers, regular First Person Shooters, Shmups, or ANYTHING else that's not a fucking horror game!!!!! How about thinking about the majority of your consumers, rather than just saying, "hmm, you know what would be funny? If we scare the shit out of the people buying this Barbie game." Don't be fucking stupid.
